2011 was a particularly crazy year for me. I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much in one year. I’m starting to pity my eyes, now. On the other hand, I don’t think I was ever this excited and happy and just hopeful either. But then again, I was never this angry, confused and at peace all at the same time. I guess every year comes with its own ups and downs.2011, you’re a year of contradictions.

The thing I’d remember about 2011, which I hope I could forget, are the deaths. As macabre as it sounds, death  would stay in my heart as a marker to 2011. Even as I type, tears are threatening to spill down my cheeks. 2011 was/is a hard year. Three fathers died this year. At least, that I know of. 2011 is a bad year for fathers. I thank my lucky stars everyday that my dad is healthy and still with us. To my friends who lost their fathers, I send you all the love in my heart. I hope you know, your papa/daddy/tatay/dad is smiling at you right now and I’m sure he’s very proud.

My friend died this year. No matter how many words I know or think I know, I don’t think I’ll be able to fully express how much this hurts. We weren’t in one barkada, nor do I claim to be one of her best friends but we were friends. I used to have classes with her in high school. She was always the smartest one in Math. Every time I think about her, the tears come again. It’s been a long time since I saw her last but I still remember her quirky ways and her kind smile. I regret not being there during the mass that was done for her because now there’s no closure for me. I’ll probably always cry inside when I think about her. It’s not fair. She was so young. She was my batchmate and I was supposed to see her at reunions or get-togethers. I think I cry mostly for me and for our friends. Becasue we’re going to miss you so much, Crystal, and you’ll forever be in our hearts.

Now with a runny nose and an all-too melancholic post, I think I’ll end it here. There is no more room in my heart for anything; I am spent.


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